I am 16 1/2 weeks pregnant now - I am coming up on halfway! We took pictures this week and will post them soon.
This is a weird time for me. It is as if I am just coming to the realization that I am pregnant. Since most women have some sort of symptom in their first trimesters, I am sure that they become aware of their pregnancy much earlier. Things really didn't change for me in the first three months. When things were different - like when I got tired - I could blame it on our schedules. Pregnancy was not something that permeated my existence. Unless someone mentioned it, I could forget I was pregnant.
I am now aware that I am pregnant. All the time. My body is different. My clothes are different. My brain is very, very different. My energy level is different. Apparently, my attitude is different. (Our doctor asked how my moods and emotions had been. Jory told her I'd been a little cranky. I'm sure he's making that part up, though.)
When I talk to women who have been pregnant, they gush about how they enjoyed every single moment of their pregnancy. I feel like I've missed something. I wasn't fully aware of pregnancy for so long, so I didn't relish all of those "moments". Now, I've got this realization, but I'm a little freaked out. I am SO excited to be a mother. I am thrilled at the prospect of watching my husband be a father. I KNOW that raising a family fulfills a God-given Purpose in my life. All of that is miraculous and exciting and I anxiously await it. This pregnancy thing, I'm not so sure about.
It seems like so much pressure. And I have no tangible proof of whether I'm screwing it up. The baby can't cry to me when he or she is unhappy. I don't know if I'm consuming enough Calcium or Iron or Vitamin C to suit Little One. I don't know if the way I sleep is comfortable for Little One. I don't know if he or she would prefer I not work next to a jackhammer on a regular basis (another story, another day). In short, I feel like I am supposed to be relishing all of these little moments and I'm turning pregnancy into a checklist of dos and don'ts and should I dos...Hopefully this will pass. Hopefully other mothers experience this when they first realize they are carrying precious cargo and my awakening just came a little later.
In the meantime, pregnancy is still very easy for me. I have been wondrously blessed. Every doctor's visit comes with a list of symptoms and me saying that I don't have any of them. I am headache free, nausea free and, generally, very healthy.
Before I sign off today, I will again mention current events. I am aware that you know all of these, put I am creating a list of things that occurred while Little One was incubating. This week, Lehman Brothers and Merrill Lynch ceased to exist. I am not sure we'll ever be able to explain to our child the impact of those events. We can't show pictures of a bankruptcy like we can of a hurricane. In happier news, Britney Spears recently hosted the VMAs and has reached an unprecedented (for her) level of normalcy. This may not reach Little One's future history books, but it should.
Have a wonderful week. Jory is enjoying the cool weather here which means it is probably freezing where half of you live, bundle up!
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